


Life is a game I'm losing at

by NanjoKouji



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, M/M, but I love him, god help him, rob's a fucker, whump!robert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-02
Updated: 2015-05-02
Packaged: 2018-03-28 17:49:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3864112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanjoKouji/pseuds/NanjoKouji
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Robert is laying in bed mulling over his thoughts </p><p>this is the mirror Fic to what is life? but you can read it alone</p>
            </blockquote>





	Life is a game I'm losing at

**Author's Note:**

> listening to Marvin's room on replay   
> for some reason, I think of robert/aaron when listening to Eminem-kim   
> got a headache  
> tired   
> hate everything   
> full stop  
> .

Robert lay on his back staring at the ceiling. He stared harder trying to search for some sort of way to get rid of the dread filling his stomach but it didn’t work. The ceiling didn’t get any less whiter and it certainly didn’t give him any answers. 

Chrissie shifted beside him and pressed closer to him sighing sleepily. Rob tightened his arm holding onto her unconsciously imagining it was Aaron next to him. Aaron’s shorter hair, his rough stubble brushing against his shoulder, his warm breath on Rob’s neck.

Aaron. He’d seen Aaron running around the village and had tried to talk him out of it but as always, he got an angry reply and was left alone with only his thoughts threatening to strangle him. 

He was getting sick of it all. Sick of keeping his hands to himself whenever Aaron was around, sick of Chrissie and her suffocating hold on him, tired of trying to get on Lachlan’s good side so as to not make Chrissie suspicious. Chrissie, his wife.

He shifted and turned on the opposite side. He couldn’t bear to look at her face, devoid of emotion and completely innocent. It made him feel even worse. Made him feel like the bastard he really was.

Chrissie didn’t deserve this, this going behind her back and loving Aaron which he wasn’t doing a good job of either judging by their most recent ‘talk’ where Aaron had basically told Robert to fuck off. 

And the ‘Chas’ situation wasn’t helping her either. Every time he thought of how Chas might have been killed because of him, he thanked god that he’d gotten there in time because if she hadn’t, he would have lost Aaron forever. 

If Aaron had found out, he would’ve despised Robert and he didn’t need that, what with everyone in the village hating him anyway.

The thing about Aaron was that he was always willing to give Robert a second chance, something that no one else would ever offer him if they knew even half of the shit he’d told Aaron. When they’d started, it had been nothing more than lust for Robert but the longer it went it, the farther his attraction and love grew for Aaron until one day, he couldn’t avoid it. 

And now, now he was lying in a bed with Chrissie, the woman that he’d married. The woman that he’d married while the man that he loved had been present.   
Chrissie who hadn’t questioned his motives even though he was years younger than her, even when her father hadn’t approved of him, she’d still taken him and that was why it was unfair. Unfair to Chrissie and unfair to Adam. 

All because he couldn’t leave this stupidly lavish lifestyle and take a step down from his throne. A throne that served a king who didn’t deserve it what so ever.

It was getting harder to hide his emotions and keep on that cool ‘ice king’ façade. When he’d kille-, when Katie had died, he’d almost not married Chrissie. The notion that Katie had died and that he was getting married without anyone knowing had made him nauseous. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he’d seen Aaron stand up and leave the alter, presumably to take care of his own emotions that had been threatening to burst out ever since Robert had told him to clean the mess he’d made himself. 

He bit down on his lip hard to keep from screaming. It was his fault. Every damn thing that was happening was his own fault and he couldn’t escape from it. All his life he’d blamed other people for his own mistakes and now it was all catching up with him. When he’d accused Aaron of being part of Katie’s death, he’d known that deep down, it was all him. Not Aaron.

Oh god. Aaron. Aaron. Aaron. Beautiful Aaron who took everything and carried on walking even though inside, he was probably broken. The man who’d taken a chance on him and had shown him what love was like, what it could feel like. The man that he’d slapped back in the face and pushed and shoved as he pleased. The man that deserved so much better than Robert but Robert couldn’t bear to let go because if anyone else had him, there was nothing else for Robert.

A tear slipped.


End file.
